a ‘caithris / the wake

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This morning, awake i hear your tones, not

as a whisper, nor sunken dreamscape.

solid reality struck a chord, as i reach

out to touch known. expectant in explicit

connection. skin to skin. but you & 

all your rhythmic shapes, so full of energy

are absent. 

from my chamber. loss [rings] 

out. i know this place, the darkness recognises 

me. tomorrow screams and

sounds it’s memory in constant vibration. time

pays no heed to emotion 

lost, tears hit the space between.

objects remind, that you [were.] your watch

sleeps silently ticking in another land, beside

my bed. i touch connective warmth into

it’s face, the face that saw you live to ritual.

there is a stain, on my heart i can’t wash out.

drunk on vinegar, it remains

shadowed by the day after. when the world was

new to me. the first fall of snow, chilled boned

gutted rooms. i buried the daylight with your

leaving. boxed love up. that night i 

burnt summer in the backyard. ashes to ash,

& fed the weeds with love. all trace of us gone,

i wait for your return. i know time will

[wake.] recognising me in your face, 

sensing movement, inclined gravitation 

offsetting the [un]balanced, times hands will

[move]me on.

©Copyright Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved. 

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èirigh na grèine / sunrise

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I walk towards infinity. how good to   

finally be one with all in me. to lie down,   

in cool rained grass. to seek no more. 

to lay my limbs among the roots 

of trees.  s t r e t c h i n g  o u t  the dusk 

filled sky. to bleed forth dreams, 

into the sap of man. let go, to breathe 

to die. death as journey, 

the withered path inside. returning. 

recognition, under towering oak.

connecting roots, that flow beyond coming spring, 

return us to the blood of life. the beating 

damp earths soothe.

we whisper memory into the wind, 

as overhead, crow flies free, 

awakening earths sunrise.

©Copyright Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved.

toirt air falbh / subtraction

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the only one who

ever gave me a refund

on how i was feeling

was you. the till

was always clamped. shut. no one had

what i was looking for.

no one recognised

i only had the exit. key in my pocket.

cold hands reaching.

i still see ,the sign.

flickering like a moth in and

out the light. dancing with

the devil. a glow-worm

burrowing in.

my exit – a becoming – glow. it’s everywhere i go.

the man with the blade follows me.

I follow the rich red velvet — the decompose.

he turns the light above the doorway on.when

i least expect it. leaves the door for me,

when im not okay. it’s okay to not be. i lie, in wait.

i glance into the distract. life trails away.

in the dark, droplets of pain flick off, metal glints.

pulling me.

pain lies,it knows no truths. its trickster whispers –

the becoming scream – in league

with the hellbrain. the dark subtractions

of me. suicides unforgiving past projector

lighting up. the wall ahead, distorting.

twisting my thoughts. wiping out all reason.

a static overload tuned to the judgement station.

the post it notes of past mistakes, razor wire stitched

inside my shredded, peeling soul.

if the devil is in the details,

who is it i see lurking

in the shadows of

disorder, waiting for me?

©Copyright Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved.

tail / matter

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You Matter. we all matter. we are mutually connected interconnected prescient even if you have no one in the present moment. you matter. i’ve been there alone. loved. unloved. tried to live. tried to die. de-fragmented been born again learned how to fly again to reassemble the shattered pieces of who i ever was or could have been again. rearranged. lived on in pain. even in my lesser moments dared to be. i am connected. introspectively reordered never whole but I am matter in this time. this space. this infinite present. let us live amidst the wonder of our dreams step on into our future selves and Never let go of the life rope we created. hold on. hold on to you. and climb. climb on into the Blue…

 

©Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved.

Cùrsaichean air astar/ Distance

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Love seeps into the heart
warm and Fluid
rushing
flowing
pooling
Deep within
every sinew…

Pulsating with life
part of the whole
Connected along maternal lines
platelets ruby red
freshly oxygenated
At the touch
of Life
my gift to you…

In return
you offer iced chilled pain
siphoned technology
Cobalt blue
and copper wires…
care distilled through barriers

Technological last moments..
sheer image
of my son’s becoming
To me..
to himself
Stark reflections
of the cold unwelcoming world
inhabited now…
from Home

Distance
life’s
dying
Kiss…

 

©Karen Bain 2016.All Rights Reserved.