drioftadh / drifting

Standard

if I could be anywhere

I’d be bare, foot

sinking in soft selkie sand. cool surround

calm mingling. lying shore still on childhood down.

north sea roaring rolling over — me

gazing at night sky overhead. a star

with no name yet — shooting across. lighting the way,

offering hope. winking. me

assimilated in breeze, contemplating drifting,

driftwood underfoot.

gull soaring through ages, times past horizons.

the rise & fall of fishing boats,

on silver seas.

the vastness

of our — lost connections.

©kbain2018.

Advertisements

bàsachadh / dying

Standard

my love is a broken door, breaking

you, over & over. until it’s over, and

i don’t want you to go, but i am

glad for you. i push away. there

is ice water filling up the scars holding

me together. submerging emotion.

blunted, pain cuts through obscure ice.

the submerged room i am trapped in,

i can no longer stand, i sink to give.

the pain is endless.

i open the dark box of nothing.

inside thoughts repeat

the voice of self annihilation,

as written on the walls, in the blood

of yesterday & the day after. emptied i sit.

knowing i get back to this, guts me.

i stare at the black void pool. reflection

of all my living fear.

there is no door out of this room. i am

sealed inside my mind. memory ruptures

through sinew. i leak. blooming on,

aching through night born, seeping into

the ice floor shelf, it adds

to the blackness, it will swallow me up.

i am the death mattress whore.

i plunge, submerge.

empty of me, wanting more. your face the last

i see. always, i see you, staring back at me.

mouth open. eyes gaze into

the face of all that is unknown.

you are dead. i am always dying.

our love is decomposing.

©Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved.

gun rabhadh / unannounced  

Standard

voices come to me unannounced i  
answer them. they offer unfinished
questions. i have incompletes to give
spoken, in the language of broken. 
mouth sounds, garbled out sync
from a time before, the out spark misfire.
they hover near my face, sometimes they
bark, i am the one begging. they slide into
me as i become. disappear at my bidding 
back into the porous wall, the white noise sleep, 
the shutter, curtain to the overwhelm,
offered up from the land of never born. i sink. 
i am the stone, recumbent 
under ice river, white numb bone. 
the water goddess ice shelf 
washes over me.
i drift to sea. no dreams live underwater.
blanc nothing, buoyant in loss. i am 
absent. existence ebbs & flows 
inside the undertow i was born into, that keeps me
down. i kick, twitch to surface spitting.
lashed incomplete, inside confusion. 
drying out, thawing, i will remember who i was,
next,
time.

©Copyright Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved.  

fosail / fossil

Standard


sit with me inside the night,   

i am holding the blue black 

of loss. its river of tar & fossil flows   

through me. flooding all senses. submerging  

my footsteps i walk through myself.

darkening isolation’s hollow 

tree. the wolf call

despair, minds wilderness entangled forest. 

I miss who i used to be. sifting 

through the ashes

i will remember, if i find substance

in the ground, buried deep as fossil fuel. i seek

connection, an end to suffering.

i am looking for my way out,

through the pin prick light ahead

of stars already dead. I reach outwith.

let them live within me. i long to find

the measure of my release

merging into the night forever. one

with the stillness of the 

blood moon. darkness reflecting cold steel,

on the river that all roots lead or bend to twist to.

our journey home.

©Copyright Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved.

Smùirneanach / Particles

Standard

_DSC0833-img-N-12

 

Last night as the world was fragmenting

Deconstructing in fractal microcosms

everything out of reach

Alien to me

sound and visions rippling

from my grasp

Echoing on into the midnight dust

breaking up and multiplying

Replicating as it flowed..

Dissolving slowly as we inhaled each particle

and each other..

I had the surest strongest notion

that Nothing was real

In time and space..

that we were all but as a dream

and all around a particled dreamworld

within a constructed dream

in a future nightmare’s frozen vision

of a self replicating speck of dust

Echoing on into infinity..

through all the universes unknown stars..

That we were Nothing

we were as Dust and Dirt

but..

we could finally fly…

©Karen Bain 2016.All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Brìgh / Substance

Standard

IMG-222-0-0

 

I love you..
in substance
and shadow
the shadow where you live
where I cast you
banished to
all substance is gone
just a tethering
a tethered pain
Submitting..

The break
in memory of
who we once were
and you
to me
You are my past present
my future
you cling to me
your body
shadows
around all time
I hear your voice
inside the locked dark room
your melody plays
inside
my heart echoes your
constant rhythm
I call to you in the night
I am lost..

In losing you
I recognised myself
saw you behind me in
the mirror
reflecting dreams
my vivid ink stained nightmare
back to me..

From the cold beyond
skin drenched
you reach out to me
Touch me
through the glass
fluidly..

Metal glints
plasma pools and drips
Seeping
rain falls on me
tears stream
you are inside them..

Dark claret pours
shining as it streams
blanching cherry
wood boards
you are everywhere
Flowing..
the seen unseen

I miss you as you were
You are as a
beautiful illuminating
bloodlust spectre
that haunts
Each day
my Night
caressing me
in stark moonlight
Outlining my soul
with your body
hushing my tears..

The river flows endlessly
there is no stopping
I am adrift
wild is the river
You flow through me..

©Karen Bain 2016.All Rights Reserved.