sglèat / slate

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In another time & place       

when i was someone else — i          

held you. saw you for the 

last time. final journey.   

gazing out towards   

home, i watched you  

fly — across the tidal ice.

soul carried 

high. sky slate    

grey, as the ice packed 

North Sea,

roared tumbling.

pain echoing thunder.

crack. the tearing 

of my soul & all the half stitched

seams holding us together.

i stood inside days. waiting. lost 

inside the storm.

staring out. standing tied.

shore-bound, screaming

at the raw edged wound of nature. 

hoping to be swallowed up,

as hearts opened & merged 

with the fossils of stones.

one moment out of time & step,

the glance away — the cruelest blow. 

my hell brain mind replaying 

last words back

to me. unsettled, mingling with the

Sea. as day rolled in & out. pain

washing over. tears flooding,

drowning me,mixing with the salt. eroding

my reflection. the me i had become,

your eyes, staring back 

from the deep, in 

hollowed scooped

out silence. 

©Copyright Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved.

òran / song

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do you have to know  

a language,to understand

a song.heartache in the loss.   

sadness inside melancholy.

love,within the light,

reverberates. nature’s echo  

ripples over the landscape 

of unspoken trace memory. 

inside each raindrop life’s river

runs.the stag hears below

the heather.below the ground.

below all sound.blood pumps

within everything.inside every

flower that blooms — shoots — 

the newborn song of life.

©Copyright Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved.

mar chùimhneachan / in memoriam

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for as long as memory,  

i have stared at the

exit. a glow-worm radiant, switched    

off and on

in mind. it comforts me.

calming my thoughts, scorching  

past the c r i s s  

c r o s s landscape of

the never[mind]. 

only i hold the key 

that opens that final

silent room, inside the box,

inside the house of me.

i lived there,

once, safe. inside that room, 

absent of thought, 

inner silence 

runs as the ice river.

washing over me, subduing, submerging

my tears. i am smothered under 

molten earth. in that land, pain

lies down, & sleeps forever,

and all the fractured

pieces lost along the way

reassemble. i radiate onward

outwith the sun. the mirrored river

of life flows on, softening

the embers of the flames

inside the burn.

the soul will finally – be. 

in memoriam, i can return.

©Copyright Karen Bain 2017.All Rights Reserved.

Lùigeadh / Longing

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St. Fillan's Parish Kirk-

If I am to meet you again
Let not the years that have
separated us come between us
let your touch
not be that of a Stranger
let us know ourselves
in recognition and each other
understand and be true of heart..
reach out and connect in love
Not in loss and pain but full of joy
of the happiness that lived inside us
that we saw and believed in
wrapping ourselves around

Let us be as one..

Feel again the flame that burned
inside and that we knew..
let the sorrow be outcast and leave
Us both
erasing the meaningless words
I spoke unto you
to make you go away…
to make you leave me..
to make you love me not..
let us see each other and remember
and at the same time let us forget
to walk in understanding
to forgive each other
and ourselves
To both be whole again…

©Karen Bain 2016.All Rights Reserved.

Numb

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TIRED…
Tired of the pain
Of the inter/ruptured/ruption in my thoughts
Of pains inability to focus
Tired of pain/less empty medication
and the double edged sword of numb
offered up…
from a hollow world
Tired of numb as the only everlasting option
from the endless searing hurt
Of blurred thoughts
and the fractal visions that it brings
Tired of trying to get back to me
The me that I was…free
Once…
The land where numb was never
my preferred choice
before my brain
and surgical steel devoured me
Tired….
Tired of the living nightmare
that fragile mortality has become
picking up the pieces
Trapped..in the Darkness
between endless pain
and the unwanted promise of numb
TIRED…

 

©Copyright Karen Bain 2015. All Rights Reserved.